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No matter what happens in life, good or bad, we still have a choice to be grateful or not, and with that choice, the possibility to transform life. I know that sometimes, when we are suffering, it can seem difficult to find anything to be thankful for. That’s because unconsciousness has taken over and we are hyper-focusing on our pain. And so we forget, and when we forget, we are not as appreciative as we might be when we remember.

Why remember to be grateful? Because being grateful is a major contributing factor to increasing the positive aspects of life.

Gratefulness attracts more of what we are grateful for. Just consider the research of Dr. Robert Emmons from the University of California at Davis and Dr. Michael McCollough of Southern Methodist University.

They conducted a study on gratitude. Until recently, this was an area totally ignored by science, though it has been a major focus of all the world’s religions.

The study was comprised of three groups. The first group kept a diary of the events that occurred during the day, while the second group recorded their unpleasant experiences. The last group made a daily list of things for which they were grateful.

The results of the study indicated that daily gratitude exercises resulted in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy. Additionally, the gratitude group experienced less depression and stress, was more likely to help others, exercised more regularly and made more progress toward personal goals. According to the findings, people who feel grateful are also more likely to feel loved. McCollough and Emmons also noted that gratitude encouraged a positive cycle of reciprocal kindness among people since one act of gratitude encourages another.

In light of his research, McCullough suggests that anyone can increase their sense of wellbeing and create positive social effects just from counting their blessings.

Even so-called bad things are cause for gratitide. Obstacles allow us to find ways to transcend them. The death of a loved one shows us the importance of love in our life. An illness gives us appreciation for the health of the body.

A way to foster deep appreciation of another person, according to Psychologist Martin Seligman, is to write a 300- word letter of gratitude. In this letter, you spell out, in concrete detail, what the person did that made such a difference in your life. Then find that person and arrange a get-together. If the person asks why, say it’s a surprise. When you meet, read your testimonial aloud. If that is too hard, just have the person read it.

Imagine two homeowners, living next door to each other. A tornado comes through their neighborhood and destroys both houses, although both owners escaped injury by finding shelter in their respective basements.

One owner climbs out of the crumbled remains of his house and feels so lucky to be alive. He tells everyone that he meets that it is a miracle that he is alive. People are affected by his enthusiasm and offer to help him rebuild his life from the ground up and he makes new lifelong friends.

The other homeowner considers himself cursed by God. “Why me? Why is it always me? I’m the unluckiest person in the world.” He’s convinced that the universe has conspired against him. People pick up on his negativity and avoid his company. Even the clerks at the local shops pick up on his negativity and don’t even extend to him “Have a nice day.” After the experience, he has even less friends than he did before.

Same tornado, same type of home—but different outcome in life.

“It is not happiness that makes us grateful but gratefulness that makes us happy.” — Brother David Steindl-Rast (www.gratefulness.org)