I have a saying, “Friends don’t let friends sleepwalk.” Let me explain.
Do you ever wake up in a bad mood, with a really negative attitude? Do you notice that the whole day just gets worse? I learned years ago that the universe never disappoints you. If you are think life sucks, the universe will be your co-conspirator and try to prove it to you without a doubt. If you think people are mean, you’re going to run into some mean people. It’s all part of the Law of Attraction. Our energy is like a magnet.
Sometimes I wake up and things start going bad immediately getting me into a bad mood and I know I have to get out of it or I’m going to be having a rough day. It’s like a have a cut and I have to stop the bleeding. It’s time for first aid.
What can I do? I know I have to change my mental perspective quickly or the negative energy of the day is going to have a snowball effect.
Hafiz, the great Sufi poet, once said that all of our troubles are nothing into nothing and the source of great laughter for God. If I can laugh at myself it tends to lighten the stress of the moment and loosen the ropes of the negative energy that is strangling me. Then I have the ability to see that I still have a lot to be grateful for, and that there are a lot of people out there that I can have a positive influence on.
The only mind and heart we have control of is our own. As Gandhi said, be the change that you want to make. And the most powerful change we can make is to connect to the source of our being. But what if I’m not connected. What if I’m really upset or worried or projecting a lot of negativity onto someone else.
As lofty and high as my intentions might be, I still get tripped up and bummed out-lapses in my conscious awareness. And when my wife Maggie calls me on it, I thank her, because I have given her permission to call me on it. But most people don’t give other people permission to call them on it, and we have to respect that. But if you want to be the change that Gandhi referred to, and you’re committed to being a whole person with conscious intentions, then ask someone to call you on your behavior.
It’s really no different than if someone discovered you sleepwalking. If you were sleepwalking and you were about to step outside into the street, or do something dangerous, you would want someone to wake you, wouldn’t you? If your behavior is unconscious (not living fully in the present moment), what is the difference?
It’s the same with life. If you have someone you can be open with, ask him or her to call you on your stuff. If they catch you acting in unconscious ways-being reactive, worrying, living in the past or the future, projecting garbage onto other people-they can snap you out of it with a gentle reminder of your request.
This can be a real relationship saver. Instead of your partner getting reactive to your unconscious behavior, they can respond with compassion and wake you up from your mind-induced drama.
It takes trust. For instance, if my wife Maggie says to me, “Greg, it seems like you’re sleepwalking this morning,” and I respond with, “Well who the hell are you, Mother Theresa?” this monitoring agreement will fail big time. But if I am aware that I gave her permission to say this I will be less prone to be reactive. But most importantly, the person making this request–asking someone to be a partner in this–has to have a high commitment to living a conscious life. If you are half-hearted about it, you’ll just get reactive to the prod of your loving partner or friend.
It’s sort of like “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” Sometimes the drunk friend will resist the intervention. But with firmness, gentleness, and a non-judgmental approach, it usually works.
This step of asking someone to be your partner in this takes honesty and sincerity of purpose. If you have someone who is willing and conscious enough to be your partner in this, your life will become a joint venture in consciousness growth. That’s a great way to live.
